The New Preamble of the United States (Revised Edition)

We, the rich and well-connected,
in pursuit of a more perfect monopoly,
establish deception, ensure domestic distraction,
and provide for the common defense of our profits, assets, and influence.

We promote the general welfare of our corporations,
secure the blessings of ownership for ourselves and our heirs,
and preserve the illusion of freedom
for those who keep the machine running.